I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
