I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I will be naked everywhere
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
