He uses pillows to masturbate.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
