I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
