I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
