no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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