I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
