Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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