Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
