i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
