After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
