How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I CAN MOONWALK!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
