tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
