He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
