She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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