Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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