Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
