In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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