Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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