You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
