I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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