i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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