I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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