i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
