My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
