Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
