God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
