I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
