the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
