Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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