Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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