Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
