I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
