I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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