he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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