Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Randomize
