i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Be still, my beating vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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