her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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