i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
