hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize