I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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