your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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