I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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