Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
