Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
