it's not cheating when I paid for it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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