I want to have your abortion
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
