Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
