Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
whose parrot is this?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
