final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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