Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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