I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
