im drinking this country out of the recession.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
