i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
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You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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