I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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