I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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