is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
nutella sex= disaster
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So squirting runs in the family.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
