Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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