Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
