After last night, I could never be a politician.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
