when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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