You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
