It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
