Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"