Dude my mom stole all your condoms
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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